he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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