do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
