So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
