I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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