I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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