he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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