thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
