So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
