well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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