dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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