I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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