We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
