My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
