my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
