I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
it was like eating out sand paper
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
