he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Blood and glitter go together right?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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