Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
