Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's blow job season.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
