Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
