Define "chronic" masturbator.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
