I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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