he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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