So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
