$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
