Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
