Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote

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  (914): I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote http://tfl.nu/0x07
  Replies (37) Good night (3770) Bad night (825)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.

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  (574): its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes. http://tfl.nu/wfzo
  Replies (68) Good night (3821) Bad night (2049)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  explains the nose bleeds.

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  (901): I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose. (1-901): explains the nose bleeds. http://tfl.nu/i1j5
  Replies (3) Good night (879) Bad night (3772)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away

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  (404): hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away http://tfl.nu/s83j
  Replies (6) Good night (3972) Bad night (1040)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.

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  (248): I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk. http://tfl.nu/wafm
  Replies (15) Good night (5371) Bad night (1177)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital

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  (403): The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital http://tfl.nu/iqkh
  Replies (4) Good night (3215) Bad night (1628)
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  (510): View more from California

  It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.

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  (510): It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him. http://tfl.nu/gszx
  Replies (4) Good night (3186) Bad night (817)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.

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  (651): And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab. http://tfl.nu/lb7r
  Replies (7) Good night (1455) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.

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  (706): I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart. http://tfl.nu/7g13
  Replies (3) Good night (1299) Bad night (664)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.

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  (512): I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW. http://tfl.nu/y0o7
  Replies (4) Good night (1453) Bad night (524)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  Cant promise that last part. I won't die though

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  (410): Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots (1-410): Cant promise that last part. I won't die though http://tfl.nu/qr7s
  Replies (1) Good night (1233) Bad night (570)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada

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  (775): Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada http://tfl.nu/dfei
  Replies (1) Good night (733) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.

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  (570): I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day. http://tfl.nu/mbwl
  Replies (2) Good night (958) Bad night (373)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.

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  (330): If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on. http://tfl.nu/53ym
  Replies (1) Good night (480) Bad night (216)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.

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  (606): Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it. http://tfl.nu/uv1q
  Replies (1) Good night (187) Bad night (45)

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