it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.