I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"