dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sorry about my life...