I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dear god my vagina.
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