I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
