My Higher Power is John Stamos
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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