The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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