i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
