So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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