apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
