I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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