Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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