We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
