Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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