Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
