the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
