I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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