I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
