You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
