i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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