I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Your cock deserves a montage
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
