1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
