I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
