I want to stick my p in your. b.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
