come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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