Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
