I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
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He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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