Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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