my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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