oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
