oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
