ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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