Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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