i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
