he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
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I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
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Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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