im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
