wat bout pragnant strippers??
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Your cock deserves a montage
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
