somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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