You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
