The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
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How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
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I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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