If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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