i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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