Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Still dying that you shit outside
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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