ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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