Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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