Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
