hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
This is my gift to your gina
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
