my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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