i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
