Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
