I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
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I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
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There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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