Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
